If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
