I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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