Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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