We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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