Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize