So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
