I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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