who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
