Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
