I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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