I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
