Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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