if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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