i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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