the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
