I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
