I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just puked most of my soul out..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
