Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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