Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
