Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
