All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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