Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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