Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
