When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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