Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
