So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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