i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
