It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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