When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
