It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
