Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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