he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
