Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
