It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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