It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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