well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
