can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
