Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
