when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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