i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think i got beer on your cat.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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