And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
