If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
