I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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