history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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