I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
