Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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