hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
