Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
