I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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