Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
