his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
