There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
