I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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