isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
