Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
