Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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