She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
