we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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